Simple Jokes

haha..

Kids Are So Smart These Days

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.

'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.

A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.' To which the little girl replies,

'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh*t?

a little gal said that? ... shud have replaced the joke among some grown up conversation ... yet its' hilarious

wow....beware of kids during flights....

semma poodu pa..

mirugam wrote:wow....beware of kids during flights....

Detective Chen Lee

A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone. A few days later, he received this report:

MOST HONORABLE SIR:
YOU LEAVE HOUSE
I WATCH HOUSE
HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH.
HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE. I FOLLOW.
HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL. I CLIMB TREE.
I LOOK IN WINDOW.
HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE.
HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE.
HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE.
I PLAY WITH ME. I FALL OUT OF TREE. I NOT SEE.

NO FEE,

CHEN LEE.

The Costume Party

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need on his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party.

In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every woman he could find and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather sexy babe herself he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little fun.

Just before unmasking at midnight she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked if he danced much. He said, "I never danced once. Pete, Bill and I went into the den and played poker all night. But the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!"

50 Year Sentence

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together.

He replies, No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a free man!

Difference of the Sexes

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls," and would his mother, "please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this."

So Johnny's mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.

"First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse..."

So he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.

"OK, now take off my skirt...." and he takes off her skirt.

"Now take off my bra..." which he does.

"And now, Johnny, please take off my panties." and when Johnny finishes removing those, she says, "Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school any more!"

eheheheh.... good one

Gone Hunting

Little Johnny grew up in the city, and went to visit his Uncle Joe on the farm. For the first few days, his uncle showed him the usual things- chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that Little Johnny was getting bored, and his uncle was running out of things to amuse him with.

Finally, Uncle Joe had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?"

This seemed to cheer Little Johnny up, and with enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail. After a few hours, Little Johnny returned.

"How did you enjoy that?" asked Uncle Joe.

"It was great!" exclaimed Little Johnny. "Got any more dogs?"

Cold Cream

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

Little Cussing Johnny

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do.

The shrink said, "Since Christmas is coming up, you should ask Johnny what he wants Santa to bring him. If he cusses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog poop in place of the gift or gifts he requests."

Two days before Christmas, Johnny's father asked him what he wanted for Christmas.

"I want a damn teddy-bear laying right beside me when I wake up. When I go downstairs I want to see a damn train going around the damn tree. And when I go outside I want to see a damn bike leaning against the damn garage."

Christmas morning, Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a pile of dog poop. Confused, he walked down stairs and saw another pile under the tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog poop by the garage.

When Johnny walked back inside with a curious look on his face, his dad smiled and asked, "What did Santa bring you this year?"

Johnny replied, "I think I got a dog, but I can't find the son-of-a-bitch!"

How to clean your toilet the fun way!

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash" and "rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet , streak through the bathroom and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,

The Dog

perfect

seriously seperb

truly remarkable anchal....

a lady wit her baby got in2 a bus.da bus driver said "ur baby iz so ugly".
da lady got angry.she paid da fare n went 2 da back of da bus mumbling and sat beside a old man
da old man asked da lady "y u r so angry?"da lady replied "da damn bus driver said my baby luk so ugly".
da old man said "how can he said tat?go slap tat idiot.B4 TAT LET ME HOLD UR MONKEY".

monkey baby..

A doctor has some urgent matter coming up. He calls his orderly, Tom, and tells him 'Tom, I have to go off for the afternoon, we don't want to close the clinic, can you take care of our patients ?'

'Yes, sir......' answers Tom.

The doctor returns the next day and asks: 'So Tom, how did it go ?'

Tom tells him he took care of 3 patients. 'The first one had a headache so I gave him PANADOL.'

'Nice one Tom, and the second one?' asks the doctor.

'The second one had fever and I gave him PANADOL, sir' says Tom.

'Bravo Tom, and what about the third one?' asks the doctor.

'Sir, it was almost 5 pm . I was about to close. Suddenly the door opened and a woman entered like flame, she undressed herself, taking off her clothes, and lied down on the table and shouted :

HELP ME !!!? I have not seen any man for 5 years !!! '

'....and what did you do, Tom?' the doctor gets very curious. Not Panadol, but an injection I believe. No sir......' answers Tom. ' I can't do that, it won't solve the problem. I give her exactly what she needs !


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