Simple Jokes

A rooster is sitting on top of the roof and it lays eggs...
which side of the house will the eggs fall to???

since when roosters started laying eggs?

hahaha...thts why...roosteres dont lay eggs...

Chello wrote:hahaha...thts why...roosteres dont lay eggs...

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...now I know....

hahaha...this is a funny misunderstanding...

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to
arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be
here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, madam. I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of
babies"
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"

After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is
fun too; you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"
"My, that's a lot of....." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in
and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure"
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London"
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with"
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get
a good look"
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your,
um......equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we
can get to work."
"Tripod?????"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for
me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? ....... Good Lord, she's
fainted!!"

hmmm...ore double meaning ah iruke...
nadeketum...nadeketum....

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles,not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?", "Yup" the wife replied, "IN-LAWS".

haha...nice one...

haha..
nice jokes...keep em coming apple...

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one
day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day
on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and
said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an
affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all
over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto
the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging
over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and
started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I
got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed
him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it
was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir,
it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the
balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped
over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below,
but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a
hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a
refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really
start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.


"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."
MY FAVORITE !!!...

Kon_Roy wrote:A couple were
married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules.
"I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he
insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a
decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you
otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my
buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?"
His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand
that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether
you're here or not."....

hehe...

haha...sooo true...

Husbands are husbands
A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head
with a frying pan. "What was that for ?" the man asked.
The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it
that I found in your pants pocket". The man then said "When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on"
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the
head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.


Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied. "Your horse phoned"

A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit, She instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site.

After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that there was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.

Women!!

She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, and she slapped him again, for good measure.

People from the neighborhood rushed around to find out what the cause of the commotion was.

The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.

Junior said:

"The subscriber you have dialed is not available at present. Please Try Again Later"...

Nan autokaran song from Rajni's Baasha translated into english...

I AM AUTOFELLOW

I am autofellow autofellow
Four knowing route fellow
Justice having rate fellow
Good people mix fellow
Nice singing song fellow
Gandhi borning country fellow
Stick take means hunter fellow
Big people's relation fellow
Mercy having mind fellow da
I am all poor's relative fellow da
I am always poor people's relative fellow da
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only

Town become big, population become big
Bus expecting, half age over
Life become hectic in time, exist in corner of street
Ada eye beat means love coming they telling
You hand clap means auto coming I telling
Front coming look, this three-wheel chariot
Good come and arrive, you trust and climb up
Mercy having mind fellow da
I am always poor people's relative fellow da
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only

Mummy motherfolk, danger not leave
Heat or cyclone, never I never tell
There there hunger take means, many savoury
Measurement food is one time
For pregnancy I come free mummy
Your child also name one I keep mummy
Letter lacking person ada trusting us and coming
Address lacking street ada auto fellow knowing
Achak means achak only ; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only ; Gumuk means gumuk only

This is funny....

haha...nice lyrics chello...lol...

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly parted mother
and started back toward his car when his attention was
diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be
praying with profound intensity and kept repeating,
'Why did u have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere
with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain in is
more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A
child? A parent?"The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then
replied
"My wife's first husband."

His wife's first husband must be someone very close to him....